What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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