What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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