What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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