What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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