What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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