What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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