What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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