What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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