What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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