What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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