What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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