What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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