What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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