What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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