What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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