What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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