What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine

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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.

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