What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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