What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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