What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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