What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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