What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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