What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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