What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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