What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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