What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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