What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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