What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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