What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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