What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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