What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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