What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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