What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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