What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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