What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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