What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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