What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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