What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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