What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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