What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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