What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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