What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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