What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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