What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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