What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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