What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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