What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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