What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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