What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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