What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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