What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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