What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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