What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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