What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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