What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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