What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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