What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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