What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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