What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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