What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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