What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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