What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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