What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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