What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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