What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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