What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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