What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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