What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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