What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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