What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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