What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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