What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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