What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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