What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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