What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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