What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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