What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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