What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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