What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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