What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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