What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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