What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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