What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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