What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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