What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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