What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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