What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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