What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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