What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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