What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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