What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop

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