What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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