What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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