What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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