What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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