What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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