What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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