What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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