What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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