What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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