What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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