What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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