What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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