What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.

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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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