What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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