What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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