What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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