What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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