What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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