What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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