What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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