What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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