What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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