What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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