What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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