What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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