What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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