What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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