What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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