What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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