What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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