What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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