What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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