What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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