What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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