What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?


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