What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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