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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?
Camembert.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
C over lambda.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.
He had in his own pews.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane
but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?
Root position cords.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?
You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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When are kids most likely to go to school?
When the door is open.
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