What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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