What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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