What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!

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