What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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