What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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