What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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