What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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