What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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