What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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