What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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