What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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