What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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