What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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