What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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