What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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