What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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