What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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