What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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