What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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