What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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