What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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