What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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