What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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