What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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