What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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