What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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