What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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