What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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