What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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