What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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