What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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