What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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