What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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