What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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