What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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