What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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