What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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