What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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