What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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