What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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