What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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