What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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