What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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