What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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