What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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