What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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