What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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