What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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