What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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