what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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