what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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