what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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