What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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