What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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