What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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