What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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