What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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