What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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