What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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