What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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