What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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