What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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