What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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