What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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