What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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