What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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