What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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