What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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