What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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