What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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