What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.

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