What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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