What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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