What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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