What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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