What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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