What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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