What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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