What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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