What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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