What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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