What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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