What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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