What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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