What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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