What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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