What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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