What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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