What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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