What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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