What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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