What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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