What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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