What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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