What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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