What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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