What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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