What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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