What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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