What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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