What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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