What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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