What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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