What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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