What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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