What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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