What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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