What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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