What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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