What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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