What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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