What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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