What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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