What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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