What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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