What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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