What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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