What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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