What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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