What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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