What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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