What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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