What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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