What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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