What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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