What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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