What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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