What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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