What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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