What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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