What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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