What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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