What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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