What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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