What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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