What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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