What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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