What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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