What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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