What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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