What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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