What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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