What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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