What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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