What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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