What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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