What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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