What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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