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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?
On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
The police had to comb the area.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?
A kitten.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed to be trimmed.
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What has holes all over and holds water?
A sponge!
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?
Silverware.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?
Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!
If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"
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