What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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