What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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