What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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