What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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