What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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