What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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