What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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