What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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