What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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