What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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