What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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