What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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