What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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