What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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