What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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