What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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