What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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