What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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