What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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