What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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