What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.

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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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