What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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