What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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