What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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