What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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