What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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