What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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