What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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