What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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