What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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