What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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