What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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