What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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