What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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