What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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