What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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