What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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