What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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