What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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