What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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