What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.

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