What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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