What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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