What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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