What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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