What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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