What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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