What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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