What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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