What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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