What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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