What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.

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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.

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