What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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