What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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