What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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