What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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