What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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