What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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