What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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