What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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