What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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