What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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