What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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