What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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