What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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