What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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