What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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