What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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