What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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