What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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