What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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