What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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