What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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