What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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