What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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