What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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