What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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