What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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