What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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