What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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