What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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