What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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