What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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