What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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