What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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