What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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