What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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