What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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