What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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