What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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