What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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