What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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