What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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