What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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