What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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