What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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