What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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