What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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