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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A pair of Re-Bachs.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!
If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?
Pupperoni.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.
It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?
Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?
Bach in the saddle again.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?
Me-ow
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