What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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