What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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