What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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