What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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