What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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