What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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