What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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