What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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