What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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