What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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