What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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