What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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