What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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