What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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