What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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