What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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