What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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