What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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