What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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