What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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