What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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