What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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