What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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