What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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