What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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