What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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