What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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