What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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