What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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