What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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