What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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