What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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