What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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