What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

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