What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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