What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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