What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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