What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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