What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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