What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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