What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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