What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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