What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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