What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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