What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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