What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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