What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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