What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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