What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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