What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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