What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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