What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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