What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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