What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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