What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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