What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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