What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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