What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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