What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story

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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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