What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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