What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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