What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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