What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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