What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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