What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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