What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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