What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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