What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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