What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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