What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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