What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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