What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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