What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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