What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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