What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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