What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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