What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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