What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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