What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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