What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?

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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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