What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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