What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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