What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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