What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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