What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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