What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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