What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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