What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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