What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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