What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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