What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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