What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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