What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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