What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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