What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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