What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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