What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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