What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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