What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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