What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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