What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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