What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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