What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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