What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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