What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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