What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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