What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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