What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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