What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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