What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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