What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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