What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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