What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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