What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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