What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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