What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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