What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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