What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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