What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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