What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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