What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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