What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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