What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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