What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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