What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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