What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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