What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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