What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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