What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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