What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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