What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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