What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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