What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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