What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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