What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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