What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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