What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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