What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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