What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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