What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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