What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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