What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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