What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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