What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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