What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.

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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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