What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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