What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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