What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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