What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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