What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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