What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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