What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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