What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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