What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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