What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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