What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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