What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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