What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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