What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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