What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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