What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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