What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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