What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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