What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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