What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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