What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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