What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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