What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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