What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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