What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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