What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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