What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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