What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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