What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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