What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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