What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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