What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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