What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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