What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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