What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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