What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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