What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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