What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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