What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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