What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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