What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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