What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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