What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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