What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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