What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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