What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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