What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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