What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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