What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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