What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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