What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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