What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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