What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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