What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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