What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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