What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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