What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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