What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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