What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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