What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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