What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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