What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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