What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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