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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?
A Flat Miner
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
They were sitting on the deck!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.
It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?
If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What's black and white and red all over?
A sunburnt zebra.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?
Terrorists have sympathizers
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