What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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