What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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