What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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