What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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