What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

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