What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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