What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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