What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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