What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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