What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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