What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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