What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.

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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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