What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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