What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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