What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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