What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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