What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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