What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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