What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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