What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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