What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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