What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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