What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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