What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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