What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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