What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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