What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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