What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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