What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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