What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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