What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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