What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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