What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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