What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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