What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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