What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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