What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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