What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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