What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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