What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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