What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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