What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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