What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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