What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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