What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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