What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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