What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.

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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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