What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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