What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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