What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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