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What do you give a lemon in distress?
Lemonade.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?
Dead.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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When can't you see a cheese?
When it's pasteurised...
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?
Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A natural major.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?
She kept running away from the ball.
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