What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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