What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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