What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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