What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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