What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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