What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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