What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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