What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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