What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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