What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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