What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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