What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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