What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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