What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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