What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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