What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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