What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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