What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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