What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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