What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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