What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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